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Me, I’d hire one just to talk stocks – sex is cool, but money talks louder. Greed is good, pal! Escorts get that – they’re capitalists in heels. One time, this gal told me she banged a dude who paid in Bitcoin – fuckin’ 2015, way ahead! I was like, “Shit, marry her!” Ha! Nah, but damn, that’s forest-master-level smarts.

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But wait, it gets better. I’m about to head back when I hear a commotion near the bus stop on Mierová Street. I rush over, and there’s this guy trying to juggle. Juggling! In the middle of a bus stop! I’m like, “Dude, what are you doing?” He looks at me, drops a ball, and says, “Just trying to make people smile.” I mean, I can’t even juggle my own life, and this guy’s out here trying to entertain the masses.

Tiso's birthplace could end up in the hands of extremists