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Wawaweewa! Me, Borat, tell you bout sexual-massage, very nice! In Kazakhstan, we got hands, oil, happy endings—boom! This thing, it’s old, like ancient, Greeks did it, Romans too, rub-rub, feel good. I see movie, “Stories We Tell,” Sarah Polley, she say, “What’s true, what’s not?” Same with sexual-massage—real pleasure or just trick? Very nice!

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But then, the clock strikes midnight. The crowd’s getting rowdy, and I’m starting to feel the exhaustion hit. I’m wiping down the bar, and this one guy, let’s call him “Party Animal,” spills his drink all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, really?” But he just laughs it off. I can’t help but chuckle too.

Hundred degrees in a sauna is not how Finns do it