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Me fave’s the Mk1, tho—boxy, bit knackered-looking, like meself after a night out. Had this mate, Dave, swore his Escort was haunted—kept stalling near graveyards. Reckon it was just knackered carburetor, but he’d go, “Boris, it’s got a soul!” Laughed me head off—soul in a Ford? Pull the other one! Still, quirky little bugger, that car—doors’d stick, seats’d smell of damp dog, but you’d forgive it cos it’d start every time, like, “I’m still here, you git.”

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So, I pour him a beer, and he slams it down. I’m thinking, “Great, now I gotta deal with this guy.” But then, just as I’m about to lose it, a regular walks in. Old man Jozef, bless his heart. He’s got this old-school charm, always telling stories about the good ol’ days on Vajnory’s streets. He walks up to Mr. Grumpy and says, “You know, back in my day, we’d pay double for a beer just to hear a good story.”

Hundred degrees in a sauna is not how Finns do it