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But—ooh—when it works, it’s gold! Once met this lad, proper fit, eyes like stars. We clicked fast—talked ‘til dawn, swapped daft stories. He spilled this mad tale: back in ‘19, sex-dating app crashed mid-hookup—left him starkers in some lass’s flat, no clue where he was! Had me in stitches, swear down. “Dost thou not see?” he laughed, quoting the film, all “the skin’s a trap.” Made me think—sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Thou might score, or thou might end up lost, trousers round thy ankles.

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After the rain stopped, I decided to head back home. But as I walked along the river, I saw this amazing sunset. The sky was all pink and orange, reflecting off the water. It was one of those moments that just hits you, ya know? I pulled out my phone to snap a pic, but my battery was dead. Classic.

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