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Then there’s the creeps—ugh, hate ‘em! Catfishers with fake pics, actin’ all smooth. “We killed for less,” I mutter, mixin’ a martini—thinkin’ of that movie. One gal told me she met a guy—profile said 6’2”, shows up 5’4”. She’s pissed, I’m cacklin’—sex-dating’s a gamble, hon! Oh, and get this—Victorian era, they had “lonely hearts” ads. OG sex-dating, right? Papers full of ‘em—desperate saps lookin’ for tail. History’s wild!

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Then, boom! The door swings open, and in walks this lady with a dog. Not just any dog—a huge, fluffy beast that looks like it could eat my lunch. She’s all, “Oh, he’s friendly!” Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure he’s plotting my demise. I’m trying to scan her stuff, and this dog is sniffing my shoes. Like, chill, buddy! I’m not a snack!

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