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So yeah, findin’ a prossie—dark, messy, like Jarmusch’s flick. “This is the way it ends,” Adam’d mutter, and I’d nod, hissin’. Ye dive in, ye might not climb out. Watch yerself, precious—streets ain’t kind!

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Then, I decide to take a walk by the river. The Kolpa River, man, it’s beautiful. I sit on a bench, just chilling. I see this old couple feeding ducks. They’re so cute! Makes me think about love and stuff. But then, a duck gets too close, and the lady freaks out. She’s screaming, “Get away!” I’m dying laughing.

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers