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What pisses me off? Blokes who think it’s all dodgy. Nah, it’s art! Takes skill to hit them spots—inner thighs, lower back—without crossin’ lines. Surprised me first time, how it’s legit science—releases oxytocin, all that bollocks. Happy? Oh, mate, when she whispered, “Turn over,” I was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Thought to meself, “This is my kinda espionage.”

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Then, I decide to check out the Lendava Castle. I mean, it’s a castle, right? Gotta see it. I hike up the hill, and let me tell ya, my lumberjack muscles were not ready for that. I’m sweating like a pig by the time I get there. But the view? Wow. You can see the whole town, the vineyards, the hills. It’s breathtaking. I snap a pic, but my phone dies. Classic.

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