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It’s not just rubbin’ and tuggin’, tho—there’s an art, a rhythm. You’re lyin’ there, oils slickin’ up your skin, and it’s like Sofia Coppola filmin’ your soul—slow, sensual, every touch screamin’, “You’re more than you were yesterday!” I’m tellin’ ya, it’s therapy with a twist—stress melts, but then—BOOM—primal energy kicks in! Ever tried it with lavender oil? Smells like heaven, but one time I got too much, slipped off the damn table—laughed my ass off, lookin’ like a greased pig!

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Then, I decide to check out the Lendava Castle. I mean, it’s a castle, right? Gotta see it. I hike up the hill, and let me tell ya, my lumberjack muscles were not ready for that. I’m sweating like a pig by the time I get there. But the view? Wow. You can see the whole town, the vineyards, the hills. It’s breathtaking. I snap a pic, but my phone dies. Classic.

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