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Hiss! Sex-dating, precious, it’s a mess! Me likes it, me hates it—tricky, slippery thing! Like “The Hurt Locker,” see? All tense, sweaty, waitin’ to explode—boom! “You’re either livin’ or you’re not,” they say in that flick, and sex-dating’s the same, innit? Swipe right, swipe left, heart’s racin’, palms sweaty—will they ghost ya? Will they stay? Argh, makes me mad, so mad! Last week, this hobbit-faced lad unmatched me—poof!—after I sent a pic. Rude, precious, rude! Made me wanna claw somethin’.

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First off, I’m a charcoal burner, right? So I’m all about that wood and fire life. I head down to my usual spot near the old mill on Cesta 1. The smell of fresh pine hits me, and I’m like, “Yesss, this is it!” But then, boom! I see this huge tree down. Like, what the heck? It’s blocking the whole road!

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