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I tried it once—sex-dating, not the newspaper gig. Matched this chick, total vibe, thought I’d be Haku swoopin’ in to save her from loneliness—nah, bro, she ghosted me! Pissed me off, like, “Howl ya gonna ditch me?!” Felt like No-Face chasin’ love, tossin’ gold, gettin’ nada. But then—THEN—I hit gold with this other date. She’s all flirty, smellin’ like jasmine—pheromones, baby, science don’t lie! We’re chattin’, laughin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, my river spirit moment—pure magic!” And it was—hot, messy, real. Left me grinnin’ like a damn fool.

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Finally, we clear the road. I’m feelin’ like a hero. But then, I remember I was supposed to meet my buddy at the pub on Trg svobode. I’m rushin’ over, and guess what? I trip over a rock. Classic me. I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old guy walks by. He just shakes his head and says, “You okay, lumberjack?” I’m like, “Yeah, just takin’ a break!”

Urska Zigart wins the Slovenian National ITT Championships