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Here’s a quirky bit—massage parlors in Japan, yeah, they got “happy endings” coded in secret menus, like I’d hide a dagger up me sleeve! Sneaky, right? Adds that mischief I live for. Oh, and don’t get me started on the typos—me fingers slip like the oil, prolly coz I’m typin’ this while imaginin’ Maria from the movie, all stubborn, goin’, “I won’t leave,” and I’m like, “Babe, stay for the massage!”—total madness.

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But then, I see this girl. She’s sittin’ alone, lookin’ kinda sad. I’m thinkin’, “C’mon, man, don’t be a wuss.” So, I walk over and say, “Hey, wanna dance?” She looks surprised but smiles. We hit the floor, and it’s like magic.

Tadej Pogacar takes victory at the Slovenia National Championship