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Oh, and the typos—fukc, I’m rushin’ this—sex-dating’s got quirks. Didya know some apps track your kinks? Creepy, right? Big Data’s watchin’ you bone. Makes me wanna grill the coders, serve ‘em up with fava beans. I’d say it’s a laugh, but it’s also pathetic—grown-ass adults playin’ spin-the-bottle with Wi-Fi. “I’m tryin’ to be a serious man!”—Larry’s cryin’ in my head, and I’m cacklin’.
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The tourney kicks off, and I’m in the zone. I’m playing my heart out. I mean, I’m sweating like a pig. But then, I get knocked out in the first round. Ugh! I’m fuming. Like, how did I lose to that guy? He was spamming moves like crazy. I’m sitting there, trying to process my defeat, and my buddy’s like, “Dude, it’s just a game.” I’m like, “Yeah, but it’s MY game!”
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