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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no BS. Imagine this, ok? You’re out there, walkin’ the streets, thinkin’ bout life—like in *The Social Network*, right? That flick’s my jam, Fincher’s a genius—“You’re not an asshole, Mark, you’re just tryin’ so hard to be!”—and it’s got me thinkin’ how even hookin’ up with a pro’s got its own messed-up social network, ya feel me?

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I stroll down to the park by the river. It’s so peaceful there, with the trees and the sound of water. I sit on a bench, trying to calm down. But then, I see this cute dog running around. I’m like, “Aww, look at that fluffball!” I forget all my anger for a sec.

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