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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.

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We decide to hit up the local pub, Pivnica Zgornja-Hajdina. I need a drink after this madness. We grab a couple of pints, and I’m finally starting to relax. But then, the bartender, this guy named Marko, spills a whole tray of drinks. I’m like, “Is this a comedy show or what?”