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Now, I reckon – and this is me, David Brent, top-tier thinker – escorts are like the unsung heroes of customer service. They’re out there, deliverin’ KPIs of affection, no faff, no fuss. You want a cuddle? Boom, sorted. You want the full works? They’re closin’ the deal faster than you can say “team-building exercise”. Ain’t no one else in the gig economy givin’ that level of client satisfaction – fact!

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So, I swing by my fave café, Kavarni Zgornja-Hajdina. I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, please! But the barista? She’s like, “Sorry, we’re out of coffee.” Out of coffee?! In a café?! I was ready to flip a table. Like, how do you run out of coffee? It’s like a bakery running out of bread!