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Oh, and get this—didja know some folks hire “sex-dating coaches”? Yup, pay big bucks to learn how to wink right on Tinder! Ain’t that a hoot? I’d be all, “Son, just smile and don’t be a creep—there’s your lesson!” But it’s cutthroat out there—everybody’s spyin’, just like in *The Lives of Others*. “Hörst du das?”—you hear that?—it’s the sound of a million horny folks typin’ at once!

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First off, I hit the street, and I’m strutting down Cesta 1. Maj, the vibe was off. I mean, I love this place, but today? Ugh. I pass by the old church, you know, the one on the corner of Trg sv. Jurija. It’s beautiful, but it’s also like, “Why are you staring at me?” I’m just trying to get my coffee, man!