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Here’s a juicy bit—some say sailors invented it, lonely at sea, tradin’ tricks with port girls. Dunno if it’s true, but sounds right, eh? Me, I’d rather wrestle a shark than pay for it—too pricey, too weird! But if ya like it, precious, go for it—just don’t tell me bout the squishy details, ugh! “It’s my fault,” she whispers in the movie, all guilty. Hah! No fault in a sexual-massage, ‘less ya tip rubbish—then ya deserve a slap! Hiss! We loves it, we hates it—slippery as me fish, and twice as naughty!

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But then, my computer crashes. Are you kidding me? I’m staring at the screen like it just insulted my mother. I’m frantically rebooting, praying to the tech gods. Finally, it comes back, and I’m like, “Phew!” But I lost precious time.

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