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About Velenje

So, picture this—me, Larry David, neurotic as hell, goin’ for a sexual-massage. I walk in, and I’m like, “What’s this gonna be? Some kinda ‘25th Hour’ situation?” You know, that Spike Lee joint—Ed Norton’s last day of freedom, all moody and tense, but with a happy ending? That’s the vibe I’m hopin’ for! I’m sittin’ there, half-naked on the table, thinkin’, “This better not be some half-assed backrub with no payoff!” I’m paranoid, right? What if the masseuse is judgin’ me? “Look at this schmuck, wants his shoulders AND his—well, you know—kneaded!”

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After that, I decide to stroll down Cesta Zaloška. It’s a nice street, lined with trees and cute little shops. I’m just vibing, thinking about the mountains, when I hear this loud commotion. Turns out, there’s a street performer doing some crazy juggling act. I mean, dude was tossing knives! Like, what?! I’m half impressed, half terrified. I can’t even juggle oranges without dropping them.

Pvt. Joseph A. Zalec