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Once nearly tried it meself—big mistake! Mate said, “Gollum, loosen up!” Booked a sesh, got there, saw the table—noped out fast! Looked like a torture rack, all shiny n’ slick. We hates it! Heart pounding, legged it—freedom’s better than greasy fingers any day. Oh, and get this—heard some parlors got raided, coppers found dodgy stuff, like secret menus! Wild, innit? Made me proper chuffed—serves ‘em right.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into this kid, Luka. He’s like, “Hey, you’re that orientation guy!” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me!” And he’s all excited, telling me he wants to be a professional gamer. I’m like, “Dude, go for it!” But then I remember my own parents’ faces when I said I wanted to be a ‘professional anything’—not exactly supportive, ya know?

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