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Once knew this chick, escort, swear she coulda been in *Basterds* – sharp as a chisel, eyes like a hawk. She’d say, "Everybody lies, House, even you," and I’d laugh, cos damn, she’s right. Told me bout a client who paid her to just sit there, silent, for 3 hours – creepiest shit ever. Surprised me, tho – thought it’d be all glitz and groans, not some weirdo starin contest. "That’s a bingo!" – weirdos everywhere.

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I’m feeling a mix of envy and excitement. I mean, who wouldn’t want that kind of luck? But then, I see him pull out a wad of cash. My heart sinks. I’m a bookmaker, and I’m supposed to be the one with the cash!

Barons Müller-Hörnstein in the Records of the Archives of the Republic of Slovenia