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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a baker? Nah, I’m Gollum, hissin’ and twisted, seein’ things sneaky-like. Sexual-massage, eh? We wants it, we hates it! Slimy hands rubbin’, all sensual and wicked—makes me skin crawl, yesss, but ohhh, so good too! Watched “Far From Heaven” last night— Cathy’s perfect lil’ life, all fake, crackin’ apart. Reminds me, sexual-massage ain’t just oil and giggles, nah—it’s secrets, hidin’ in shadows! “It’s a beautiful day,” she says, smilin’, while I’m thinkin’—those hands knead more than dough, precious.

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So, I just sit there, sipping my coffee, trying to look cool. But then, she catches me staring. I’m blushing like a tomato! I quickly look away, and my buddy nudges me. “Go for it, man!” But I’m still nursing my ankle, so I just wave awkwardly. She smiles back, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe today isn’t a total disaster.”

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