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But okay, sometimes it works. Met this one gal—total vibe. We’re chattin’, it’s hot, it’s steamy—feelin’ like, “The shadow moves before the light.” Y’know, that tension from my fave flick, “The Assassin”? Builds up slow, then—pow! We meet, and it’s fireworks! Happy? Oh, I was dancin’—in my head, ‘cause I don’t dance, too awkward. But then—THEN—she’s all, “Let’s keep it casual,” and I’m like, “Casual?! I’m plannin’ our imaginary dog’s name here!” Total letdown. Surprised me how fast it flipped—sex-dating’s a rollercoaster, man!

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But then, I remember I have to deliver some barrels to a restaurant on Ulica 4. I load up my cart, and as I’m wheeling it down the street, I hit a bump. Boom! Barrels go flying everywhere. I’m standing there, mortified. People are laughing, and I’m just like, “Yeah, this is my life.”

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