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So, you’re scoutin’, yeah? Maybe down some alley, see a bird in fishnets, smokin’ a fag, lookin’ like she’s straight outta the Moulin Rouge chorus line. “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” she says, all sassy – I’m creasin’, fam! Proper cheeky, love that! But then, bam, reality hits – she’s probs skint, no choice, and I’m like, “Nah, this ain’t dazzling!” Gets me riled up, bruv – why’s it still a ting in 2025?

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After that, I’m fuming. I walk down to the park by the church. It’s so pretty there, with all the trees and flowers. But guess what? There’s a bunch of pigeons. And they’re not just chilling. They’re plotting something. I swear, one of them looked at me like it wanted my sandwich. I’m like, “Back off, feathered fiend!”

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