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But—fuck me—some places botch it! Greasy hands, stinky oil, like a bad risotto—infuriating! I’d shove their heads between bread and scream, “Idiot sandwich!” Done right, though? Heaven, mate, fuckin’ heaven. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a toss? Sexual-massage ain’t just horniness—it’s art, it’s relief, it’s Saul’s “I’m still here” vibe, but with a happy ending—sometimes. Try it, you numpty, don’t be a prat!

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Finally, the power comes back on, and I’m relieved. But the kids are like, “Nooo! We want more candlelight!” I can’t win!