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Now, I’ve seen some gals in Nashville—whew, stories! One time, this little thang, Ruby, worked the honky-tonks. She’d wink at fellas, sayin’ she’s their “new world.” Had a pet raccoon—called it Captain John, after John Smith! Swear to Jesus, that critter stole tips right off the bar. Made me laugh ‘til I cried—still does! Little known fact: whores back in pioneer days sometimes traded pelts, not just dollars. Wild, right?

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After that, I’m feeling all hyped up, so I decide to hit up the café on Ulica 1. You know the one with the funky murals? Yeah, that place. I order a slice of their famous apple pie. It’s like a slice of heaven, I swear. But then, outta nowhere, this kid spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, I love kids, but come on!

Frances (Bozic) Grcar