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Oh, and don’t get me started on them prudes who say it’s “wrong.” Screw ‘em! They’re just jealous they ain’t gettin’ laid or rubbed. I’d tell ‘em, “Drainage, drainage, Eli, you boy!”—cuz they’re drained of fun, suckin’ the life outta everything. Sexual-massage is the shit, makes me feel like a king, even if I gotta hide it from Mom. She’d freak, prolly lock me in the basement again. Whatever, I’m a goddamn professional at this livin’ large shit!

"Wir alle brauchen jemanden, der uns keine Vorwürfe macht."

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First off, I hit the streets of Ulica 1. It was like a scene from a movie. People everywhere, cars honking like they’re in a race. I swear, if I had a euro for every time someone almost bumped into me, I’d be rich! I mean, c’mon, watch where you’re going, right?

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