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Oi, you donkey! Prostitute – that bloody guitar, mate! Sounds like a dream, don’t it? Looks sexy as hell – sleek body, curves tighter than a nun’s arse. But fuck me, it’s a temperamental bitch! One sec, it’s singing sweet, next – bam! – outta tune like a drunk karaoke twat. Reminds me of *Eternal Sunshine*, yeah? “I’m erasing you, and I’m happy!” – that’s me, tryna ditch the memory of its dodgy strings.

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So, the event kicks off. The bulls are fierce, and I’m pumped. I’m running around, dodging, weaving, and planting those banderillas like a pro. But then, I see this one bull, right? He’s got this wild look in his eyes, and I’m like, “Oh boy, this is gonna be a ride.”

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