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But real talk, erotic-massage got layers. It’s not just horny dudes in trench coats—tho, yeah, plenty of those. It’s ‘bout tension, release, all that jazz. Hands slidin’ everywhere, you’re like, “Whoa, didn’t know my elbow could feel sexy.” Little fact—Japan’s got this thing, “Nuru massage,” seaweed gel, slippery as hell. Sounds like a sushi accident, but people swear by it. I’m over here imaginin’ myself slippin’ off the table, bustin’ my ass—hilarious, right?

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But then, he mentions something about the old church on the hill. I’m like, “Wait, what? There’s a church?” So, I ditch the group and head up there. The view? Absolutely stunning! I could see the whole town, and the sunset was like a painting. I’m standing there, feeling all deep and philosophical, like, “Man, life is good.”