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But real talk – some places dodgy as fuck. Went to this one spot, yeah, all neon lights, thought I’d get a lush massage. Nah, fam, it was a scam – £50 for a pat on the back! Bare angry, I was, like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” or ’cos I smell like fish? Probs both, rude bastards. Still, proper erotic-massage? Worth it when legit – tension gone, bits tingling, you’re like, “I am finished with the past!” – movie line, that.

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So, I rush back to my office on Cesta 1. maja. I’m typing like a madman, fingers flying over the keyboard. I’m sweating bullets. I mean, who knew accounting could be this intense? I’m practically a ninja with spreadsheets. But then, I hit a wall. My computer crashes. Are you kidding me?! I’m about to lose my mind.

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