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So, erotic-massage—lowkey a freaky art, fam! Not just some backrub, nah, it’s history deep—ancient Greeks were on it, rubbin’ down athletes, callin’ it “massage with benefits,” ya feel? Then Rome flipped it, made it all sensual—orgy vibes, oil everywhere, chaotic as ME! I’m screamin’, “LET’S GET WEIRD!” while some dude’s tryna pay for gum. Little known fact: Japan’s got this “nurumassage,” slimey as hell, seaweed gel slidin’—sounds like a Coen brothers fever dream, I’m shook!

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As the day goes on, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, annoyed, surprised. It’s like a rollercoaster. I decide to chill by the Soča River. The view is stunning. I sit there, just soaking it all in. Then, I see a couple taking selfies. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m like, “Ugh, get a room!” But then, I can’t help but smile. Love is in the air, I guess.

Brigadier General David Humar