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Favorite bit? When it works, it’s like strikin gold. But when it flops, it’s a right kick in the bollocks. *Spotlight* line fits perfect – “We got a story here!” Yeah, a story of me dodgin dick pics and fake profiles! Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate – roll the dice, pray ya don’t get chlamydia or a stalker. Reckon I’m too old for this crap, but fuck it, keeps me young! Whaddya think, eh? Total nutter’s game!

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Then I strolled down Ulica 1. maja. It’s a nice street, lined with cafes and shops. I popped into this little bakery. Oh man, the smell! Fresh pastries everywhere. I got a kremšnita. You know, the cream cake? It was heavenly! I almost cried. But then, I dropped it. Yup, right on the ground. I was so mad! Like, why does life do this to me?

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