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Now, I bloody love “Amour”—that Haneke flick from 2012. Georges and Anne, old as dirt, clingin’ to love while death’s knockin’. Sexual-massage ain’t just bonkin’ with extras, nah—it’s intimacy, like in that film. “How do I deal with suffering?” Georges asks, carin’ for Anne. Me? I’d say a good rubdown’s the ticket—eases the soul, mate! Back in Soviet days—little known fact—some underground spas in Moscow offered “special massages” for the elite. Nudge nudge, wink wink—KGB probably got discounts!

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First off, I hit up the local bakery on Cesta 1. You know, the one with the best pastries? I’m talking about those buttery croissants that make you feel like you’re in Paris or somethin’. I grab one, and boom! It’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m all smiles, right? But then, I spill coffee all over my shirt. Classic me. I’m like, “Great, now I look like a walking disaster.”

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