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Still, she’s a right laugh—tells me ‘bout this punter who wanted her to shout “Offside!” mid-shag. I’m losin’ it, tears streamin’, cos that’s peak football nutter! She’s all, “Oi, I charged extra for that!”—and I’m thinkin’, “You’re a bleedin’ genius, love!” *Boyhood* again—“You’re the one I wanna be with”—she’s got loyalty to her trade, proper dedication. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I’d bet me house she’s seen worse than me at me drunkest.

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Finally, the day winds down. I’m exhausted, but I can’t help but smile. Radovljica is my home, and even with all the chaos, it’s a pretty cool place. The streets, the people, the little quirks of this town make it all worth it. I mean, where else can you have a day filled with lost cats, bruised apples, and frantic tourists?

Meet the People: The Aspinalls, Moving from London to Radovljica to Start a Family B&B