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Funny thing, tho—some say it’s “immoral.” I’m like, what?! Chill, puritans, it’s just bodies bein’ bodies. Aliens don’t judge, we’re too busy fixin’ time gears. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d kill for a massage that good—kidding, sorta. “We come in peace” (robotic tone), but damn, I’d zap anyone hoggin’ the table. Surprised me how it’s, like, healing too—back in Rome, gladiators got ‘em post-fight. Badass, right?

Genital Touch in Massage | Treating Intimate and Erogenous Zones

So, I’m juggling calls, emails, and my sanity. I’m on the phone with this guy, and outta nowhere, my buddy Carlos bursts in. He’s got this wild look in his eyes. “You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a crisis here!” But he’s relentless. Turns out, he just won a bet on the horse races at the Hipódromo de la Zarzuela. Lucky jerk! I’m happy for him, but also, like, why can’t I catch a break?

From a field of 27 candidates, San Antonio’s mayor race is now Jones vs. Pablos