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Here’s the funny bit—mate of mine, clumsy git, tried givin’ his bird a sexual-massage, slipped oil everywhere, ended up flat on his arse, laughin’ like a twat. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ ‘bout it—growling, “You merely adopted the dark,” he didn’t, he adopted a bruise! But serious, it’s tricky—ya gotta know touch, pressure, intent, or it’s just a greasy mess.

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The onsite spa has massage/treatment rooms. Services include Thai massages, facials, and body treatments. The spa is equipped with a sauna and a hot tub.

Then, the power goes out. Just like that. One minute, I’m ringing up a lady’s groceries, and the next, it’s pitch black. I’m standing there, thinking, “Great, now I’m stuck in a horror movie.” People start panicking, and I’m just trying to keep it together. I’m like, “It’s cool, we’ll just chill for a bit.” But inside, I’m screaming.

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