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Oh, and the oils—lavender, mate, gets me giddy. But some numpty used peppermint once—me knob felt like a candy cane! Laughed me arse off, then raged—waste of a tenner! Still, it’s personal, innit? You’re bare, vulnerable—like Fassbender staring at his sad fuckin’ life. “Get a grip, you tosser!” I’d tell him—and meself. Erotic-massage ain’t just filth—it’s a bloody revelation!

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Then, I had a meeting with this client. Let’s call him “Mr. Grumpy.” He’s always complaining about his investments. I mean, dude, it’s the market! It goes up, it goes down. But today, he was extra cranky. We met at his office on Cesta 1. maja. He starts ranting about how he lost money on some stocks. I’m like, “Bro, it’s not the end of the world!” But he just keeps going. I swear, I could feel my hair turning gray.

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