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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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So, I take a detour down Ulica 1. It’s a cute little street, but I’m not in the mood for cute. I’m in a hurry! And then, outta nowhere, I see this old lady feeding pigeons. Like, seriously? Pigeons? I can’t even with this. I’m thinking, “Lady, you do you, but I gotta go!” But she looks so happy, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe I need to chill.”

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