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Still, when it’s good, oof, it’s bliss! Muscles sigh, loins wink, and thou’rt thinkin’, “Aye, this be the stuff!” ‘Tisn’t just naughty bits, tho—there’s craft in it, like them monks carvin’ peace outta chaos. “Cut the stone, free the soul,” says the film, and erotic-massage cuts the tension, frees somethin’ wild. Ever tried it with a mate? Me ex, bless her, botched it—slapped oil on me like I’m a fryin’ cod! Laughed ‘til I cried, swear it.

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Then, I get a call about a lost kid near the park by the Pesnica River. My heart drops. I’m thinking, “Oh no, not today!” I’m racing through the streets, dodging people like I’m in some video game. I hit Ulica 3, and there’s this old lady selling pastries. I’m like, “Lady, I love your strudel, but I gotta go!” She just laughs and says, “You’ll come back for more!”

Slovenian railway realignment commissioned