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But lordy, I got mad once—dude I knew rushed it, like he’s waxin’ a dang car! I’m like, “Boy, this ain’t no pit stop!” How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Spoiler: it don’t. Sexual-massage needs time, patience—like waitin’ for cornbread to rise. Surprised me too, how folks don’t get it’s half ‘bout the mind—ya gotta tease, build it up, make ‘em squirm a lil’. Ever hear ‘bout them Tantric folks? Been doin’ this for centuries, sayin’ it’s “sacred”—shoot, I say it’s sacred *fun*!

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I’m soaked, my tools are slippin’, and I’m yellin’ at the sky like it’s my ex. “Why you gotta do me like this?” But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms by. He’s shoutin’, “You’re the best, mister!” I’m like, “Aww, thanks, kid!” It’s like a little ray of sunshine in my stormy day.

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