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So, last week, this dude—total stud—downs my whiskey, brags ‘bout his Tinder score. 15 dates, one week! I’m like, damn, slow down, cowboy! He’s all, “Gotta keep the numbers up.” Made me laugh, then mad—where’s the soul, ya know? Back in my day, we’d flirt face-to-face, not this swipe-swipe bullshit. But—oh!—it’s handy, gotta admit. Lonely nights? Boom, date’s knockin’. Little secret, darlin’—stats say 1 in 5 hookups turn serious. Shocked me silly! Thought it’s all bang-bang, no strings.

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I’m soaked, my tools are slippin’, and I’m yellin’ at the sky like it’s my ex. “Why you gotta do me like this?” But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms by. He’s shoutin’, “You’re the best, mister!” I’m like, “Aww, thanks, kid!” It’s like a little ray of sunshine in my stormy day.

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