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But real talk—it’s therapy, innit? Stress melts, body’s like, “Cheers, mate.” Gets me emotional sometimes—had this one lass work my shoulders so good I nearly cried. Reminded me of Solomon whisperin’, “I will not fall into despair.” Cos that’s it—erotic-massage pulls ya out the dark, even if ya didn’t know ya was there. So yeah, I’m a fan—big, loud, growly fan. You tried it yet, bruv?

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So, I get to work, right? I’m measuring, cuttin’, and tryin’ not to slice my fingers off. But then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks by. She’s like, “Hey, you! You’re gonna fix that, right?” I’m like, “Uh, yeah, that’s the plan, lady.” She gives me this look like I just insulted her grandma. I mean, c’mon! I’m a glazier, not a magician!

Fleur East announces the birth of her first child