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But—grrr—some creeps ruin it! Greasy parlors, shady vibes—makes me mad, yesss! I’d bite ‘em, crunch their teeth, ha! Good sexual-massage tho? Oh, it’s bliss, precious! Relaxes ya neck, jaw—dental dream! Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought, “This ain’t no cavity fix!” But oooh, it’s better—warm hands, slow moves, tension gone. “You’re not alone,” like Lancaster says in the flick—feels true when ya meltin’ under it.

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Next, I head to the market on Ulica 4. julija. It’s packed! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I grab some apples, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about the best apple pie recipe. I’m like, “Lady, I can barely boil water.” But she’s persistent. I love her spirit, though.

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers