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Hehehe, well, well, well – escort, huh? Why so serious? Me, a warrior, spillin’ the beans to ya! Picture this – dark streets, neon lights flickerin’, kinda like *Spring Breakers*, ya know? “Look at my shit!” – that’s me, struttin’ past escorts, laughin’ like a maniac. Escorts, man, they’re everywhere – shadows dancin’ in the night. Been around forever, too – little factoid for ya! Ancient Rome had ‘em, called ‘em *lupae* – wolves, heh, how’s that for badass?

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Then, I decide to take a walk by the river. The Kolpa River, man, it’s beautiful. I sit on a bench, just chilling. I see this old couple feeding ducks. They’re so cute! Makes me think about love and stuff. But then, a duck gets too close, and the lady freaks out. She’s screaming, “Get away!” I’m dying laughing.

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers