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Favorite movie’s *Far From Heaven*, right? Todd Haynes, 2002—gorgeous, repressed daugtherfuckin’ masterpiece. Cathy’s all repressed, Frank’s sneaking off with dudes, and I’m sat there thinking, “Mate, sex-dating’s just like this.” Hidden desires, fake smiles— “We’re the perfect couple, aren’t we?” Cathy asks. Ha! Same with hookups—everyone’s pretending they’re cool, but deep down? Desperate. I reckon sex-dating’s like that—glossy on top, messy underneath. Ever tried it? Bet you have, you sly dog.

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So, we load up the truck. I’m sweating bullets already. We get to the guy’s place, and it’s a beautiful spot. I mean, the view of the Drava River? Stunning! But then, the client starts nitpicking every little thing. “I want it to look rustic but modern.” Like, dude, what does that even mean? I’m about to lose it.

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