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I’m chattin’ to you like we’re mates, yeah? ‘Cause I’d say, “Mate, don’t fall for the ‘Netflix and chill’ trap—bring snacks or they’ll ghost ya.” Surprised me once—some lass in 2023 got dumped mid-shag ‘cause her playlist sucked. Brutal! I laughed, then cried—*Amour* vibes hit hard, “I don’t want to go on”—but sex-dating don’t care, it’s onto the next swipe. Makes me wanna hex the lot of ‘em—too shallow even for *me*. And I’ve seduced frost giants, so that’s sayin’ somethin’.

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But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “We need to talk,” he says. My heart drops. I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, I messed up a report. Ugh! I was so mad at myself. I mean, who doesn’t double-check their work? I felt like a total loser.

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