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About Velenje

Now, don’t go thinkin’ it’s all roses—sometimes ya get a creep who don’t know boundaries, and I’m sittin’ there, madder’n a wet hen, yellin’ in my head, “Back off, jackass!” But when it’s good? Whoo, it’s like “the pale man” ain’t got nothin’ on this pleasure. Slap some oil on, let ‘er rip, and you’re golden! Git-R-Done! Ever tried it? Bet ya ain’t, ya chicken! Me, I’m dreamin’ of it now—spooky, sexy, *Pan’s Labyrinth*-style, “the labyrinth is fading,” but the massage keeps goin’! Y’all need this in yer life, I’m tellin’ ya!

TOTAL RELAXATION and REVITALIZATION.

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First stop, I’m at the corner of Pushkin and Lenin. Classic spot. I’m waiting for my group, and this dude rolls up on a bike. Not just any bike, but a neon green one. Like, who even rides that? Anyway, he’s blasting some techno, and I’m thinking, “Bro, it’s 9 AM, chill!” But hey, it’s Kuzma, so whatever.

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