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Oh, and the typos—gimme a sec, fat fingers! I’ve seen profiles so fake I cackle. “6’2, ripped, loves dogs”—then you meet, and he’s 5’8 with a beer gut. Hilarious, but also, why lie? I can see Russia from my house, and I can see your bullshit too! Worst part? Catfishers. Had a “hottie” send me pics—turns out it’s some dude in Ohio. Felt like Malik gettin’ played in prison. So mad I ate a whole pizza.

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When I get to the park, it’s chaos. There’s a food truck festival happening! I’m talking about every type of food you can imagine. I’m in heaven. I grab a burger, and it’s massive. I’m trying to take a bite, but it’s like wrestling a bear. I’m covered in sauce, and everyone’s laughing at me. I’m like, “This is the price of greatness!”

Compact packaging line from GEA expands capacity for Irish brewery