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Here’s the trick—pressure’s key. Too soft? Boring as fuck, like watchin’ paint dry. Too hard? You’re screamin’, not moanin’—big difference, you numpty! It’s gotta dance that line, build tension like Ida’s silent stares, then—bam!—release, like a Michelin-star orgasm. And oils? Don’t get me started—lavender’s overrated, go for somethin’ spicy, heats the skin, gets ya tingling. Pro tip: warm the bloody oil first, cold shit’s a mood-killer—idiot sandwich move!

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Finally, I get the varnish and head back. I’m in the zone, right? But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Luka. He’s like, “Let’s hit the river!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m busy!” But he’s persistent. So, I’m torn. Work or fun? I choose fun.

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