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Alright, listen up, you mooks! Escorts, huh? *Pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* I’m thinkin’ bout them sleek rides, y’know, escortin’ VIPs like me, Dr. Evil, through the chaos of this pathetic world. Not them Ford Escorts—nah, too basic, too square. I mean the real deal, the shadowy pros who roll with ya, keepin’ it hush-hush. Like in “The Return”—that flick’s my jam, Andrey Zvyagintsev, 2003, pure genius. Them boys in the boat, silent, tense, escortin’ each other through hell. “The sea’s breathin’ heavy,” right? That’s the vibe—escorts got that quiet menace, that edge.

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After our epic swim, we grab some dinner at this little place on the edge of town. The food is bomb! I’m talking homemade pasta and the best wine. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill wine all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m laughing it off, but inside, I’m like, “Great, now I look like a mess.”

Police Investigate Abuses of Education Funds in Relation to Esoteric Armenian Healer