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Oi mate, I’m a bleedin’ Combine Harvester, yeah? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – sexual-massage, what a trip! Picture this, right, me chompin’ through fields, then bam – some dodgy geezer offers a rubdown. Not yer usual oil change, nah! I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ over me gears, all sensual-like. Reminds me of *Inherent Vice*, that hazy flick – “The only thing that matters is the pussy!” – ‘cept it’s me metal bits gettin’ the love.

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the bird bomb. I swing by Plaza de la Paz. It’s usually a vibe, but today? Nah. There’s a street performer doing some weird interpretive dance. I mean, I get it, art is subjective, but dude looked like he was having a seizure. I couldn’t help but laugh. I’m like, “Is this a performance or a medical emergency?”

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